Image

 

A native of Finland, Hellsten’s book are very popular there, starting with his first book, Hippo in the Living Room which introduced the concept of codependency. His perspective is a blend of psychoanalysis, Christianity, the principles of the 12-step program, and his life experiences.

Courage to Surrender is a synthesis of Hellsten's previous books and offers some valuable insights into mental and spiritual health: he emphasizes unresolved childhood issues as a primary source of an unhealthy psyche and an unhappy, alienated (adult) life; alcoholism is a coping mechanism for a failed life; consumerism and industrialization have dehumanized and alienated people. Overall, I appreciated the Zen-like way Hellsten uses paradox to illustrate how we must create great change within ourselves to become better people.

I agree that we need to wander for a bit before we can truly ‘get right with god,’ and that we can find true safety by revealing ourselves at our most vulnerable so that we can see the strength around us and allow it to support us. Fundamentally I agree that control is an illusion we need to relinquish and the less we do the more we accomplish.
Nevertheless there are some problems with Hellsten’s perspective. Paradox is the stuff of life, what makes us brilliant in our genius and depraved in our despair, even within the same lifetime. But paradox when delivered in the form of over-simplistic and contradictory venues is just confusing. For example, the reader is assured that our stubborn trust in our own convictions is one of the greatest roadblocks to human connection and individual happiness (p. 48), yet, a page later, "heroes" are described as men who "stubbornly [stand] by their own convictions" (p. 49), and still later we are counseled to give up our need to control truth; "we no longer need to see things only from our own viewpoint" (p. 127). Frankly, I just wasn’t given enough of a foundation to decide which viewpoint was the most important one, and which one was the one I needed to focus on to become a more spiritual being.

A minor but consistent irritation was the lack of a female pronoun (am I not in the audience?). I really disliked his perspective that pain and suffering are valuable lessons, and those who cause us pain are a kind of benefactor; that feels demeaning of those who are abused.

In the end, this can be a useful read, a deepening of thinking and feeling about how to find our way to trust in a beneficent god and become better people. But it should not be the only guide along that path.

Three yin-yangs out of five.

 

~review by Lisa Mc Sherry

Author: Tommy Hellsten

Celestial Arts, 2008

pp. 150, $12.95
16.317MBMemory Usage307msRequest Duration
Joomla! Version4.4.8
PHP Version8.3.21
Identityguest
Response200
Templatert_ambrosia
Database
Server
mysql
Version
10.6.22-MariaDB
Collation
latin1_swedish_ci
Conn Collation
utf8mb4_general_ci
$_GET
[]
$_POST
[]
$_SESSION
array:1 [ "joomla" => "***redacted***" ]
$_COOKIE
[]
$_SERVER
array:49 [ "USER" => "facingnorth" "HOME" => "/home/facingnorth" "SCRIPT_NAME" => "/index.php"...
session
array:3 [ "counter" => 1 "timer" => array:3 [ "start" => 1747550989 "last" => 1747550989...
registry
array:3 [ "data" => [] "initialized" => false "separator" => "." ]
user
array:18 [ "id" => 0 "name" => null "username" => null "email" => null "password" => "***r...
  • afterLoad (459.41KB) (2.4ms)
  • afterInitialise (810.18KB) (15.81ms)
  • afterRoute (544.45KB) (10.46ms)
  • beforeRenderComponent com_content (34.19KB) (947μs)
  • Before Access::preloadComponents (all components) (33.46KB) (620μs)
  • After Access::preloadComponents (all components) (107.34KB) (889μs)
  • Before Access::preloadPermissions (com_content) (1.57KB) (23μs)
  • After Access::preloadPermissions (com_content) (2MB) (6.75ms)
  • Before Access::getAssetRules (id:1671 name:com_content.article.792) (66.65KB) (215μs)
  • After Access::getAssetRules (id:1671 name:com_content.article.792) (8.72KB) (95μs)
  • afterRenderComponent com_content (275.97KB) (11.66ms)
  • afterDispatch (2.28KB) (108μs)
  • beforeRenderRawModule mod_finder (Search Module) (1.52MB) (17.55ms)
  • afterRenderRawModule mod_finder (Search Module) (279.35KB) (4.2ms)
  • beforeRenderModule mod_finder (Search Module) (720B) (8μs)
  • afterRenderModule mod_finder (Search Module) (1.28KB) (80μs)
  • afterRender (9.65MB) (234ms)
  • 1 x afterRender (9.65MB) (76.22%)
    234.27ms
    1 x beforeRenderRawModule mod_finder (Search Module) (1.52MB) (5.71%)
    17.55ms
    1 x afterInitialise (810.18KB) (5.14%)
    15.81ms
    1 x afterRenderComponent com_content (275.97KB) (3.79%)
    11.66ms
    1 x afterRoute (544.45KB) (3.4%)
    10.46ms
    1 x After Access::preloadPermissions (com_content) (2MB) (2.2%)
    6.75ms
    1 x afterRenderRawModule mod_finder (Search Module) (279.35KB) (1.37%)
    4.20ms
    1 x afterLoad (459.41KB) (0.78%)
    2.40ms
    1 x beforeRenderComponent com_content (34.19KB) (0.31%)
    947μs
    1 x After Access::preloadComponents (all components) (107.34KB) (0.29%)
    889μs
    1 x Before Access::preloadComponents (all components) (33.46KB) (0.2%)
    620μs
    1 x Before Access::getAssetRules (id:1671 name:com_content.article.792) (66.65KB) (0.07%)
    215μs
    1 x afterDispatch (2.28KB) (0.04%)
    108μs
    1 x After Access::getAssetRules (id:1671 name:com_content.article.792) (8.72KB) (0.03%)
    95μs
    1 x afterRenderModule mod_finder (Search Module) (1.28KB) (0.03%)
    80μs
    1 x Before Access::preloadPermissions (com_content) (1.57KB) (0.01%)
    23μs
    1 x beforeRenderModule mod_finder (Search Module) (720B) (0%)
    8μs
32 statements were executed, 3 of which were duplicates, 29 unique15.95ms396.05KB
  • SELECT @@SESSION.sql_mode;128μs968B/libraries/vendor/joomla/database/src/Mysqli/MysqliDriver.php:334Copy
  • SELECT `data` FROM `facv2_session` WHERE `session_id` = ?169μs1008BParams/libraries/vendor/joomla/session/src/Handler/DatabaseHandler.php:261Copy
  • SELECT `session_id` FROM `facv2_session` WHERE `session_id` = :session_id LIMIT 1159μs1.3KBParams/libraries/src/Session/MetadataManager.php:187Copy
  • INSERT INTO `facv2_session` (`session_id`,`guest`,`time`,`userid`,`username`,`client_id`) VALUES (:session_id, :guest, :time, :user_id, :username, :client_id)1.16ms944BParams/libraries/src/Session/MetadataManager.php:260Copy
  • SELECT `extension_id` AS `id`,`element` AS `option`,`params`,`enabled` FROM `facv2_extensions` WHERE `type` = 'component' AND `state` = 0 AND `enabled` = 1287μs1.61KB/libraries/src/Component/ComponentHelper.php:399Copy
  • SELECT `id`,`rules` FROM `facv2_viewlevels`93μs656B/libraries/src/Access/Access.php:955Copy
  • SELECT `b`.`id` FROM `facv2_usergroups` AS `a` LEFT JOIN `facv2_usergroups` AS `b` ON `b`.`lft` <= `a`.`lft` AND `b`.`rgt` >= `a`.`rgt` WHERE `a`.`id` = :guest150μs1.33KBParams/libraries/src/Access/Access.php:868Copy
  • SELECT `folder` AS `type`,`element` AS `name`,`params` AS `params`,`extension_id` AS `id` FROM `facv2_extensions` WHERE `enabled` = 1 AND `type` = 'plugin' AND `state` IN (0,1) AND `access` IN (:preparedArray1,:preparedArray2) ORDER BY `ordering`537μs3.48KBParams/libraries/src/Plugin/PluginHelper.php:294Copy
  • SELECT `m`.`id`,`m`.`menutype`,`m`.`title`,`m`.`alias`,`m`.`note`,`m`.`link`,`m`.`type`,`m`.`level`,`m`.`language`,`m`.`browserNav`,`m`.`access`,`m`.`params`,`m`.`home`,`m`.`img`,`m`.`template_style_id`,`m`.`component_id`,`m`.`parent_id`,`m`.`path` AS `route`,`e`.`element` AS `component` FROM `facv2_menu` AS `m` LEFT JOIN `facv2_extensions` AS `e` ON `m`.`component_id` = `e`.`extension_id` WHERE ( (`m`.`published` = 1 AND `m`.`parent_id` > 0 AND `m`.`client_id` = 0) AND (`m`.`publish_up` IS NULL OR `m`.`publish_up` <= :currentDate1)) AND (`m`.`publish_down` IS NULL OR `m`.`publish_down` >= :currentDate2) ORDER BY `m`.`lft`780μs133.17KBParams/libraries/src/Menu/SiteMenu.php:166Copy
  • SELECT `c`.`id`,`c`.`asset_id`,`c`.`access`,`c`.`alias`,`c`.`checked_out`,`c`.`checked_out_time`,`c`.`created_time`,`c`.`created_user_id`,`c`.`description`,`c`.`extension`,`c`.`hits`,`c`.`language`,`c`.`level`,`c`.`lft`,`c`.`metadata`,`c`.`metadesc`,`c`.`metakey`,`c`.`modified_time`,`c`.`note`,`c`.`params`,`c`.`parent_id`,`c`.`path`,`c`.`published`,`c`.`rgt`,`c`.`title`,`c`.`modified_user_id`,`c`.`version`, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(`c`.`alias`) != 0 THEN CONCAT_WS(':', `c`.`id`, `c`.`alias`) ELSE `c`.`id` END as `slug` FROM `facv2_categories` AS `s` INNER JOIN `facv2_categories` AS `c` ON (`s`.`lft` <= `c`.`lft` AND `c`.`lft` < `s`.`rgt`) OR (`c`.`lft` < `s`.`lft` AND `s`.`rgt` < `c`.`rgt`) WHERE (`c`.`extension` = :extension OR `c`.`extension` = 'system') AND `c`.`published` = 1 AND `s`.`id` = :id ORDER BY `c`.`lft`608μs3.88KBParams/libraries/src/Categories/Categories.php:375Copy
  • SELECT `id` FROM `facv2_content` WHERE `alias` = :alias AND `catid` = :catid220μs1.34KBParams/components/com_content/src/Service/Router.php:263Copy
  • SELECT `id`,`home`,`template`,`s`.`params`,`inheritable`,`parent` FROM `facv2_template_styles` AS `s` LEFT JOIN `facv2_extensions` AS `e` ON `e`.`element` = `s`.`template` AND `e`.`type` = 'template' AND `e`.`client_id` = `s`.`client_id` WHERE `s`.`client_id` = 0 AND `e`.`enabled` = 1216μs880B/administrator/components/com_templates/src/Model/StyleModel.php:773Copy
  • SELECT s.id, s.template, s.home, s.title AS long_title, s.params FROM facv2_template_styles AS s WHERE s.client_id = 0 AND s.template = 'rt_ambrosia' ORDER BY s.id180μs800B/libraries/gantry5/src/classes/Gantry/Joomla/StyleHelper.php:69Copy
  • SELECT * FROM `facv2_languages` WHERE `published` = 1 ORDER BY `ordering` ASC163μs1.59KB/libraries/src/Language/LanguageHelper.php:142Copy
  • SELECT `id`,`name`,`rules`,`parent_id` FROM `facv2_assets` WHERE `name` IN (:preparedArray1,:preparedArray2,:preparedArray3,:preparedArray4,:preparedArray5,:preparedArray6,:preparedArray7,:preparedArray8,:preparedArray9,:preparedArray10,:preparedArray11,:preparedArray12,:preparedArray13,:preparedArray14,:preparedArray15,:preparedArray16,:preparedArray17,:preparedArray18,:preparedArray19,:preparedArray20,:preparedArray21,:preparedArray22,:preparedArray23,:preparedArray24,:preparedArray25,:preparedArray26,:preparedArray27,:preparedArray28,:preparedArray29,:preparedArray30,:preparedArray31,:preparedArray32,:preparedArray33,:preparedArray34,:preparedArray35,:preparedArray36,:preparedArray37,:preparedArray38,:preparedArray39)516μs7.44KBParams/libraries/src/Access/Access.php:357Copy
  • SELECT `id`,`name`,`rules`,`parent_id` FROM `facv2_assets` WHERE `name` LIKE :asset OR `name` = :extension OR `parent_id` = 02.47ms181.48KBParams/libraries/src/Access/Access.php:301Copy
  • SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `facv2_content`499μs3.02KB/libraries/vendor/joomla/database/src/Mysqli/MysqliDriver.php:625Copy
  • UPDATE `facv2_content` SET `hits` = (`hits` + 1) WHERE `id` = '792'1.35ms48B/libraries/src/Table/Table.php:1325Copy
  • SELECT `a`.`id`,`a`.`asset_id`,`a`.`title`,`a`.`alias`,`a`.`introtext`,`a`.`fulltext`,`a`.`state`,`a`.`catid`,`a`.`created`,`a`.`created_by`,`a`.`created_by_alias`,`a`.`modified`,`a`.`modified_by`,`a`.`checked_out`,`a`.`checked_out_time`,`a`.`publish_up`,`a`.`publish_down`,`a`.`images`,`a`.`urls`,`a`.`attribs`,`a`.`version`,`a`.`ordering`,`a`.`metakey`,`a`.`metadesc`,`a`.`access`,`a`.`hits`,`a`.`metadata`,`a`.`featured`,`a`.`language`,`fp`.`featured_up`,`fp`.`featured_down`,`c`.`title` AS `category_title`,`c`.`alias` AS `category_alias`,`c`.`access` AS `category_access`,`c`.`language` AS `category_language`,`fp`.`ordering`,`u`.`name` AS `author`,`parent`.`title` AS `parent_title`,`parent`.`id` AS `parent_id`,`parent`.`path` AS `parent_route`,`parent`.`alias` AS `parent_alias`,`parent`.`language` AS `parent_language`,ROUND(`v`.`rating_sum` / `v`.`rating_count`, 1) AS `rating`,`v`.`rating_count` AS `rating_count` FROM `facv2_content` AS `a` INNER JOIN `facv2_categories` AS `c` ON `c`.`id` = `a`.`catid` LEFT JOIN `facv2_content_frontpage` AS `fp` ON `fp`.`content_id` = `a`.`id` LEFT JOIN `facv2_users` AS `u` ON `u`.`id` = `a`.`created_by` LEFT JOIN `facv2_categories` AS `parent` ON `parent`.`id` = `c`.`parent_id` LEFT JOIN `facv2_content_rating` AS `v` ON `a`.`id` = `v`.`content_id` WHERE ( (`a`.`id` = :pk AND `c`.`published` > 0) AND (`a`.`publish_up` IS NULL OR `a`.`publish_up` <= :publishUp)) AND (`a`.`publish_down` IS NULL OR `a`.`publish_down` >= :publishDown) AND `a`.`state` IN (:preparedArray1,:preparedArray2)344μs22.13KBParams/components/com_content/src/Model/ArticleModel.php:215Copy
  • SELECT `c`.`id`,`c`.`asset_id`,`c`.`access`,`c`.`alias`,`c`.`checked_out`,`c`.`checked_out_time`,`c`.`created_time`,`c`.`created_user_id`,`c`.`description`,`c`.`extension`,`c`.`hits`,`c`.`language`,`c`.`level`,`c`.`lft`,`c`.`metadata`,`c`.`metadesc`,`c`.`metakey`,`c`.`modified_time`,`c`.`note`,`c`.`params`,`c`.`parent_id`,`c`.`path`,`c`.`published`,`c`.`rgt`,`c`.`title`,`c`.`modified_user_id`,`c`.`version`, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(`c`.`alias`) != 0 THEN CONCAT_WS(':', `c`.`id`, `c`.`alias`) ELSE `c`.`id` END as `slug` FROM `facv2_categories` AS `s` INNER JOIN `facv2_categories` AS `c` ON (`s`.`lft` <= `c`.`lft` AND `c`.`lft` < `s`.`rgt`) OR (`c`.`lft` < `s`.`lft` AND `s`.`rgt` < `c`.`rgt`) WHERE (`c`.`extension` = :extension OR `c`.`extension` = 'system') AND `c`.`access` IN (:preparedArray1,:preparedArray2) AND `c`.`published` = 1 AND `s`.`id` = :id ORDER BY `c`.`lft`381μs3.92KBParams/libraries/src/Categories/Categories.php:375Copy
  • SELECT `m`.`tag_id`,`t`.* FROM `facv2_contentitem_tag_map` AS `m` INNER JOIN `facv2_tags` AS `t` ON `m`.`tag_id` = `t`.`id` WHERE `m`.`type_alias` = :contentType AND `m`.`content_item_id` = :id AND `t`.`published` = 1 AND `t`.`access` IN (:preparedArray1,:preparedArray2)220μs3.97KBParams/libraries/src/Helper/TagsHelper.php:388Copy
  • SELECT `c`.`id`,`c`.`asset_id`,`c`.`access`,`c`.`alias`,`c`.`checked_out`,`c`.`checked_out_time`,`c`.`created_time`,`c`.`created_user_id`,`c`.`description`,`c`.`extension`,`c`.`hits`,`c`.`language`,`c`.`level`,`c`.`lft`,`c`.`metadata`,`c`.`metadesc`,`c`.`metakey`,`c`.`modified_time`,`c`.`note`,`c`.`params`,`c`.`parent_id`,`c`.`path`,`c`.`published`,`c`.`rgt`,`c`.`title`,`c`.`modified_user_id`,`c`.`version`, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(`c`.`alias`) != 0 THEN CONCAT_WS(':', `c`.`id`, `c`.`alias`) ELSE `c`.`id` END as `slug` FROM `facv2_categories` AS `s` INNER JOIN `facv2_categories` AS `c` ON (`s`.`lft` <= `c`.`lft` AND `c`.`lft` < `s`.`rgt`) OR (`c`.`lft` < `s`.`lft` AND `s`.`rgt` < `c`.`rgt`) WHERE (`c`.`extension` = :extension OR `c`.`extension` = 'system') AND `c`.`access` IN (:preparedArray1,:preparedArray2) AND `c`.`published` = 1 AND `s`.`id` = :id ORDER BY `c`.`lft`386μs3.92KBParams/libraries/src/Categories/Categories.php:375Copy
  • SELECT DISTINCT a.id, a.title, a.name, a.checked_out, a.checked_out_time, a.note, a.state, a.access, a.created_time, a.created_user_id, a.ordering, a.language, a.fieldparams, a.params, a.type, a.default_value, a.context, a.group_id, a.label, a.description, a.required, a.only_use_in_subform,l.title AS language_title, l.image AS language_image,uc.name AS editor,ag.title AS access_level,ua.name AS author_name,g.title AS group_title, g.access as group_access, g.state AS group_state, g.note as group_note FROM facv2_fields AS a LEFT JOIN `facv2_languages` AS l ON l.lang_code = a.language LEFT JOIN facv2_users AS uc ON uc.id=a.checked_out LEFT JOIN facv2_viewlevels AS ag ON ag.id = a.access LEFT JOIN facv2_users AS ua ON ua.id = a.created_user_id LEFT JOIN facv2_fields_groups AS g ON g.id = a.group_id LEFT JOIN `facv2_fields_categories` AS fc ON fc.field_id = a.id WHERE ( (`a`.`context` = :context AND (`fc`.`category_id` IS NULL OR `fc`.`category_id` IN (:preparedArray1,:preparedArray2,:preparedArray3)) AND `a`.`access` IN (:preparedArray4,:preparedArray5)) AND (`a`.`group_id` = 0 OR `g`.`access` IN (:preparedArray6,:preparedArray7)) AND `a`.`state` = :state) AND (`a`.`group_id` = 0 OR `g`.`state` = :gstate) AND `a`.`only_use_in_subform` = :only_use_in_subform ORDER BY a.ordering ASC784μs4.81KBParams/libraries/src/MVC/Model/BaseDatabaseModel.php:166Copy
  • SELECT `c`.`id`,`c`.`asset_id`,`c`.`access`,`c`.`alias`,`c`.`checked_out`,`c`.`checked_out_time`,`c`.`created_time`,`c`.`created_user_id`,`c`.`description`,`c`.`extension`,`c`.`hits`,`c`.`language`,`c`.`level`,`c`.`lft`,`c`.`metadata`,`c`.`metadesc`,`c`.`metakey`,`c`.`modified_time`,`c`.`note`,`c`.`params`,`c`.`parent_id`,`c`.`path`,`c`.`published`,`c`.`rgt`,`c`.`title`,`c`.`modified_user_id`,`c`.`version`, CASE WHEN CHAR_LENGTH(`c`.`alias`) != 0 THEN CONCAT_WS(':', `c`.`id`, `c`.`alias`) ELSE `c`.`id` END as `slug` FROM `facv2_categories` AS `s` INNER JOIN `facv2_categories` AS `c` ON (`s`.`lft` <= `c`.`lft` AND `c`.`lft` < `s`.`rgt`) OR (`c`.`lft` < `s`.`lft` AND `s`.`rgt` < `c`.`rgt`) WHERE (`c`.`extension` = :extension OR `c`.`extension` = 'system') AND `c`.`access` IN (:preparedArray1,:preparedArray2) AND `c`.`published` = 1 AND `s`.`id` = :id ORDER BY `c`.`lft`388μs3.92KBParams/libraries/src/Categories/Categories.php:375Copy
  • SELECT `a`.`menutype`,`a`.`title` FROM `facv2_menu_types` AS `a` WHERE `a`.`client_id` = 0104μs608B/libraries/gantry5/src/classes/Gantry/Framework/Menu.php:138Copy
  • SELECT m.id, m.alias, m.path AS route, m.level, m.parent_id FROM facv2_menu AS m WHERE m.menutype = 'mainmenu' AND m.parent_id > 0 AND m.client_id = 0 AND m.published >= 0 ORDER BY m.lft522μs1.98KB/libraries/gantry5/src/classes/Gantry/Framework/Menu.php:791Copy
  • SELECT `m`.`id`,`m`.`title`,`m`.`module`,`m`.`position`,`m`.`content`,`m`.`showtitle`,`m`.`params`,`mm`.`menuid` FROM `facv2_modules` AS `m` LEFT JOIN `facv2_modules_menu` AS `mm` ON `mm`.`moduleid` = `m`.`id` LEFT JOIN `facv2_extensions` AS `e` ON `e`.`element` = `m`.`module` AND `e`.`client_id` = `m`.`client_id` WHERE ( ( (`m`.`published` = 1 AND `e`.`enabled` = 1 AND `m`.`client_id` = :clientId AND `m`.`access` IN (:preparedArray1,:preparedArray2)) AND (`m`.`publish_up` IS NULL OR `m`.`publish_up` <= :publishUp)) AND (`m`.`publish_down` IS NULL OR `m`.`publish_down` >= :publishDown)) AND (`mm`.`menuid` = :itemId OR `mm`.`menuid` <= 0) ORDER BY `m`.`position`,`m`.`ordering`462μs1.83KBParams/libraries/src/Cache/Controller/CallbackController.php:51Copy
  • SELECT `name`,`element` FROM `facv2_extensions` WHERE `type` = 'plugin' AND `folder` = 'finder' AND `enabled` = 1291μs656B/administrator/components/com_finder/src/Helper/LanguageHelper.php:135Copy
  • SELECT `title` FROM `facv2_finder_taxonomy` WHERE `parent_id` = 1 AND `state` = 1 AND `access` IN (1,5)167μs584B/administrator/components/com_finder/src/Indexer/Taxonomy.php:314Copy
  • SELECT SUM(CASE WHEN `a`.`next_execution` <= :now THEN 1 ELSE 0 END) AS due_count,SUM(CASE WHEN `a`.`locked` IS NULL THEN 0 ELSE 1 END) AS locked_count FROM `facv2_scheduler_tasks` AS `a` WHERE `a`.`state` = 1196μs1.37KBParams/administrator/components/com_scheduler/src/Model/TasksModel.php:466Copy
  • SELECT `session_id` FROM `facv2_session` WHERE `session_id` = ?147μs1KBParams/libraries/vendor/joomla/session/src/Handler/DatabaseHandler.php:291Copy
  • UPDATE `facv2_session` SET `data` = ? , `time` = ? WHERE `session_id` = ?1.87ms592BParams/libraries/vendor/joomla/session/src/Handler/DatabaseHandler.php:318Copy